


Say something

by Thaum



Series: Of elves and dwarves [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dark Thranduil, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed, Family, Feelings, Goodbyes, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, Love, M/M, sorry no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:42:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14210373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thaum/pseuds/Thaum
Summary: Thranduil and Legolas have to face each other after the exact quality of Legolas' relationship to Gimli reveals itself.Don't know how to tag this. I am still crying.





	Say something

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katajainen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katajainen/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [katajainen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katajainen/pseuds/katajainen) in the [2000GigolasFics](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/2000GigolasFics) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  For some reason or other, Gimli and Legolas have kept the exact quality of their relationship a secret, and the ruse has worked fine for years, decades even - until it doesn't. Extra love if they're caught in flagrante (rating at the author's discretion).
> 
>  
> 
> English isn't my first language. Be nice.

"Say something."

The second his father had turned on his heel and left the room without a word, Legolas had known, it was grave. He had expected rage, fury, violence. He hadn't expected this. He was used to hate and cruelty, he could handle it. He couldn't handle the silence.

"Maybe you would feel better, if you throw something at me."

Thranduil stood, his back to the door Legolas just stepped through. He didn't turn. He didn't acknowledge his presence. He didn't seem to be there at all. He stared into nothing, straight, unmoving. _Like finally gone to stone, his own statue_ , Legolas thought, and in a ridiculous second he felt like laughing, before that feeling turned into something that threatened to choke him.

"A curse? Your crown?"

Nothing.

"Maybe something, that really hurts? Furniture? That bookend I made for you, when I was a child? I know, it is an ugly thing, I guess you've never liked it anyway."

Legolas' heart clenched. He had always been afraid of this moment. The moment, when his father learned of the true quality of his feelings for his dwarf. When Legolas had realized, that he had seen the gentle kiss, the way he had caressed his cheek, his heart had dropped. He had turned to him to take on the condemnation he expected. But there had been nothing. Not a word had left his fathers lips. He had stared into his eyes and Legolas wasn't sure, what he had seen. All he was sure of was, he himself couldn't take all of this for any longer. He needed him to say something. Anything.

"You could throw some cruel words at my head. About how stupid and worthless I am, that I betrayed you and our kin. How repelling and disgusting you find me to be. You could tell me of the huge disappointment, I've always been to you. Come on, I know there is a lot. It will make you feel better." Legolas spat angryly at his fathers back, provocating him. But Thranduil still showed no reaction. Legolas slumped his shoulders.

"You know, _I_ surely would feel better, if you would", he whispered with a now trembeling voice, but the silence stretched. There was nothing left, he could say or do. So, this was where it finally ended. He had to live with it. He would.

"If nothing else, maybe you would like to throw a last look at me before I leave." His gaze was directed at his feet and he had clutched his hands in front of him to prevent them from shaking the same way, his voice did.

Finally, Thranduil sighed and buried his face in his hands.

"If I am true to myself, I have known. Somehow I made myself believe, it wouldn't be true, if I ignore it."

He had dropped his eyes to the floor now. Legolas wished, he would look at him. He wished, he could see truth in his eyes, for once. Truth, and maybe something else. Just for once.

"As I always do. I live in this world, where everything I cannot face doesn't exist. If you tell yourself the lies for long enough, you forget they are lies. And the bad thing with immortality is, that you have forever to tell you. And forever to forget. You practice your ignorance to eternal perfection. I surely did.

And the bad thing with being king is, that no one has the guts to tell you, that you are delusional. That all your life is a lie. They come and bow and pretend a truly artful farce. I put on my crown and my robes and my glamours and perform this play they call a realm. And when the curtain falls, when I try to drop all pretenses, I find there is nothing and no one left. I find, I am the realm. And nothing else."

He shook his head and exhaled deeply but didn't turn to his son who stood across the room, looking utterly lost.

"You are the only thing, I ever made, that has been true. Awfully true in my false world. That's why it hurts you so. That's why I have lost you. Not today. Not when I sent you to Rivendell. It has been a long time ago. When I took away the memories of your mother selfishly, because I couldn't stand it. I had to forget, or I would have faded. And I couldn't. I am the realm.

I lost you. I lost truth. And all the same, the realm will fade and leave me and my pretenses behind. That is my destiny and I am glad, you will not be there to witness it. You will love and live and suffer through every moment of your life with all of your heart. And you will die and know, it has been real and it has been worth it. Eternity is a lonely hell without this. You are a wiser and stronger man, than I've ever been."

Legolas stared at the imposing figure of his father with tears in his eyes, his arms dropped helplessly at his side. He could take the few steps that laid between them, he desperately _wanted_ to. But it wouldn't change anything. It weren't his to take.

"I will miss you", he choked out. "I've always missed you."

Thranduil closed his eyes. He couldn't watch him leave, couldn't face the truth, once again. And this was part of it. He had elaborated about reasons and a past that couldn't be changed, when all he should have said was 'I love you'. He'd built a wall of his words again and had hidden behind.

Legolas dried his eyes with his sleeve and threw a last sad glance at the man, he hadn't known for all of his life.

"Good bye, father."


End file.
